|If Only I'd Had My Utility Belt
||[May. 10th, 2005|10:17 am]
Ok so I had a dream: I'm back at college with Savanah and Andrew(former roommate) is there playing the computer as always. Well a bunch of mundane shit happens, except for the fact that my closet is apparently a tobacco stand and I found a pack of cigarettes for 50 cents called Black Jacks. Anyway Savanah's friend (not in real life) Joni walks in. Shes a really thin blonde with short hair who is shitfaced drunk. Well we start to take her home and somehow it takes forever and its getting close time for classes so I take her the rest of the way. She lives in some apartment buildings that have a diner downstairs and I learn that her grandfather has went missing recently. She has fliers with his picture on it posted all over the cafe and there is a chain restaurant (something like O'Charleys or Olive Garden) that has closed down in the corner of the cafe because apparently her grandfather was the only employee. So some sleazy fucker overhears our conversation and comes over offering help. This guy (imagine Jimmy with dark red hair and a big goatee) says he can help her and in his most charming voice says "I can help you sort it out at the table over there to the tune of CNN's latest installment" (now you see why he was modeled after Jimmy). Now here's where the story takes a turn. This guy pisses me off by doing this, trying to take advantage of a drunkard, so I reveal my secret identity to Joni. I say "Joni my father in Bruce Wayne and he can find anyone in this whole fucking world, so just ignore this fucker and if he pushes it tell him you'll go to the cops." So she yells "I'll call the cops", but luckily he didn't hear her so I told her again not to say that until he pushes it too far. At this point I would like to point out that even though I said Bruce Wayne was my father I am actually Bruce Wayne, but I am in college so I must have used some sort of age-defying shit. Anyways my butler comes around, but its not the normal one its some weird fuckers in a dark black stretch who looks a bit like John Cleese only not. Well he has two big fucking dogs with him and they follow him into the cafe (which I can see cause all the doors are made of glass). Well he doesnt do shit but walk past me and out the other door, leaving the dogs. I try to get them to leave but they wont, but it doesnt matter because heres where the dream jumps a bit. Suddenly for no explicable reason I'm on a train with Joni, but this train is for some reason on a rollercoaster track (much like the one in the SNES game). So now Joni decides to unscrew one of the windows so its hangs limply to the side, as she opens another window. Well its about this time that I see a fist smash through a window and I see a vampire floating outside, and somehow I know its her missing grandfather. He looks kinda like Morbius but with short, gray hair, and hes a violent motherfucker, killing everyone around him. So do I, Bruce Wayne, start to take down this vampire in all my batty badassedness? No fuck that I don't have my suit or utility belt so I jump off the back of the train (which has been ripped off by the vampire so its even easier to get out), and I hit the ground fairly easy. Then i warp to a trainstation somehow and a scene very reminscent of Metal Gear Solid ensues. I'm crouched on the ground, but I can see myself in third person, and the vampire comes sauntering over just like one of the MGS guards and just as hes going to see me a boxcar is drove in front of me. Now I can see through a crack in the wall, just in time to see the vampire disembowel Joni, his own granddaughter. So now he starts fucking everyone around up, the weirdest had to be a guy on the train who came running out decked in chainmail and wielding a chainsaw/shield mix(I can only assume it was Roth). So then he kills a kid but theres no blood, so I can only assume even my psyche can go so far (or maybe its just the video games rating cause at this point I dont know what the fuck is going on). The dream ends with me cowering in a corner while Joni comes back with long black hair and a grenade-launcher, apparently resurrected. Fin.